“We’re going to be fine”

I’ve moved to writing in the morning. Usually when nighttime rolls around, I’m about three (or four or five) Moscow Mules (vodka, ginger beer, and lime juice) in and don’t feel like reviewing what happened during the day. Most nights around 9:00PM, all I want to do is go to sleep and let my mind rest. Being around the family, reading the constant updates, trying to work from home (learning how to use digital platforms for teaching purposes), finishing my Master’s degree, attempting to keep a normal routine, and interacting with an outside world that is completely upside down has been a recipe for the days moving by at warp speed. 

It’s been raining for the past 24 hours leaving a cool fresh clean environment to enjoy. The pitter-patter of the raindrops on the leaves has been a welcome respite and provided several peaceful moments while sitting in the backyard. I honestly don’t know what is going to happen; 90% of the news is bad-very bad. I finally found an article in the LA Times authored by a Joe Mozingo who interviewed a Nobel Laureate/Stanford biophysicist, Michael Levitt, that was positive, uplifting, and provided a glimmer of hope. In summary, the piece predicts a quicker recovery and “we’re going to be fine” (the article was much longer but that was the main point). Other news articles are focusing on the stalemate in the Senate over the stimulus bill, impending martial law, calls for a national “stay in place” order, mounting deaths from the virus, social distancing at all times, and quarantining lasting at minimum through July or August. 

While in my home we are experiencing the ups and downs that we should have forecasted would occur when five people are exposed to each other for long periods of time. My wife and I verbally argued about “taking this seriously” and what that looks like from each other’s perspective. I feel like no one wants to plan ahead or discuss in length how to move forward “if” the situation continues to digress. I’m of the frame of mind that my teaching contract is completed by the end of June, my two older children will be out of work, and if the economy is tanking then my pension will be the first thing cut or eliminated by the state of California. Shouldn’t we be pooling our resources together, openly discussing our options, and unifying under one banner so that we can make the hard decisions now instead of when we have nothing? While this may be true, all four people seem to think that I am on edge and consumed with “figuring things out”. I readily admit that I don’t have the answer. I want to protect my loved ones, and the only way I know how to do that is through self-education which leads to a deep desire to discuss what I have learned. My wife tells me it’s all about “timing” but I have found there is never a good time to discuss these matters. 

On a lighter note, Coryn (my oldest daughter) bought a Daisy Red Rider BB gun/rifle. We all lined up in the backyard and stacked cans on the trashcans. I was impressed by Coryn and Mikelli’s marksmanship abilities and most importantly, we laughed and enjoyed the moment with each other. Afterwards, we had heard through the grapevine that our favorite Teppanyaki restaurant (Tokyo Steakhouse) was closing down within the next week so we ordered take-out. Normally, we would sit together around a semi-circle flat top grill watching the chef toss knives in the air and catch them behind his back, or flip our bacon fried rice filled ceramic bowls with his spatula. The chef would banter back and forth with us while balancing this choreographed display with cooking delicious spicy garlic chicken, teriyaki vegetables (onions, zucchini, bean sprouts, and mushrooms), mounds of fried rice, and perfectly seared steak. Definitely not the same sitting at the dining room table eating out of Styrofoam containers, but there were moments of amusement when Christy tried to recreate the chef show we all were accustomed to watching. 

I learned a lot about myself today. Every moment appears to be an opportunity to move forward into an unknown that has no limitations and the only person responsible for any of this-is me.