Panic Shopping

Leaving the house on Saturday for something other than grocery shopping was invigorating and a momentary respite from the growing isolation. On Sunday, I decided to stock up on dwindling supplies. I’m finding that feeding a family of five along with boyfriends and girlfriends is not easy. Cooking at home expends tremendous energy and going shopping is now a time-consuming endeavor because we are forced to stand in lines prior to entering the store. But I have found one grocery store that does not require standing in line which is a blessing in disguise. Upon my arrival, I retrieved a grocery cart from the employee standing outside whose sole job now is wiping down and disinfecting the carts. Inside, I observed emptier shelves (still no toilet paper) and a majority of people wearing masks and gloves. I still choose not to wear a mask but I am in the minority and need to change my behavior. The more I walked down the aisles looking for food items amongst the empty shelves, the more anxious I became. Plus, people wait for you to pass by at a safe distance while carefully watching your movements. I feel like I am constantly being judged or evaluated for any sign of sickness or peculiar behavior. I started placing boxes of spaghetti, packages of meat, and bags of rice in my cart even though I didn’t need them. Anxiety turned into simmering panic shopping that fueled basic decision making and satiated the pin pricks of fear each time I placed more food in the cart. Eventually, I stopped in the middle of the aisle and started performing breathing exercises to calm my frantic mind.  This helped me to not look at the empty shelves in a negative context and I refocused on the task at hand. Eventually, I made it out of the store with way more food than I needed, but the feeling of having food to place in the freezer far outweighed the extra costs.