Giving Thanks

Rising from COVID-19’s complex infrastructure Thanksgiving 2020 appeared as a monolithic superstructure compared to any other holiday this year. Approximately one month prior, our family contracted the virus and one by one the multiple families that had reserved a spot at our Thanksgiving table decided to cancel. Even though their reasons were logically valid, I still felt a certain sense of rejection knowing they had made their decisions based on a fear of contracting COVID-19. For three weeks we quarantined ourselves and during that time we set our sights on creating new Thanksgiving traditions tailored specifically to our family’s needs. Hope replaced fear but this was not without its mental trials. World news has been superseded by local and national headlines that are consumed by the wildfire viral epidemic consuming our great nation: our hospitals are overwhelmed, people are isolated in their homes, wearing masks are the norm, state mandated curfews are being arbitrarily imposed, schools are closing (again), and death as opened his/her arms to engulf the multitudes. While these circumstances are progressing at a rapid pace, an emergency vaccine has been approved by our federal government to be distributed within the month of December. The catch is the makers of this wonder drug do not have near enough doses for the greater population and one must take the vaccine in two stages. To make things even more interesting, our federal government has failed again in preparation and planning and placed the responsibility for vaccine distribution squarely on the shoulders of each state to decide who receives it and when.

With all this happening around us, we have been dealing with our own personal family issues. Our three children have spent a considerable amount of time separated from their friends which has elevated high school drama to a whole new level. Social media only compounds these problems and forced my wife and I to invest an inordinate amount of effort trying to support our youngest daughter through circumstances fostered from the cesspool of adolescent immaturity. The positive outcome has been a growth in each of our relationships and interpersonal bonds have been formed from these trials by fire. I will admit that at times this has been intensely painful, but out of this pain I have witnessed unforeseen solutions to challenges I thought were insurmountable and a maturation beyond my children’s young adult years. These environmental circumstances were exasperated Thanksgiving Eve when my youngest daughter was excluded from a Friendsgiving party; she was devastated, lonely, confused, and hurt. Instead of being alone, she responded by hanging out with a girlfriend who was not accepted by the larger group which led to accusations, lies, insinuations, and further isolation from the “friend” group. My wife and I spent the entire night and into the early morning hours sifting through the bullshit only to find out that my youngest daughter had been making solid choices in the midst of a barrage of half-truths and misperceptions. As I said before, the fire burns hot and consumes everything in its fury, but what was formed from the ashes was a blazing Phoenix who learned to trust and believe in her self. Before Thanksgiving officially started, I already had so much to give thanks for.

I won’t bore you with the gritty details of preparing our Thanksgiving dinner which was a smorgasborg of delectable dishes. Maybe a quick list will suffice along with a picture: 18 pound pan-roasted turkey, mashed potatoes, brown turkey gravy, Aunt Chach’s yams (a thick layer of pecans, brown sugar and coconut over butter laden mashed yams), asparagus with crispy bacon bits, Stove Top stuffing (my all time favorite), canned cranberries, stuffed mushrooms, flaky biscuits, green bean casserole, strawberry jello infused with pomegranates, Marie Callender’s dutch apple pie, banana cream pie, and last but not least pumpkin pie. The best part of the day was not cooking the feast or watching football or having midday cocktails (Tullamore Dew Irish Whiskey and Four Roses small batch Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey); rather, it was the underlying belief that we were able to love one another and communicate that love through our words, actions, and commonalities.

After Thanksgiving dinner, I didn’t have much to do and I fell into the deep rabbit hole of personal self-reflection. I experienced overwhelming anxiety stemming from my mind’s inability to grasp my mortality. I am not afraid of death, but at times past memories and future projections clash against one another in a battle to claim the happiness experienced in the here and now. It is as if my longings and desires for relevance briefly open to the realization that my place in the infinite universe are a futile wrestling match with the divine while time and space are a sphere without end or beginning. I decided to lay down on the couch and read “The Middle Length Discourse of the Buddha”. What I found in this brief respite were the teaching on the four jhanas. Through meditation, happiness can be found through the release of attachments. The food I had enjoyed an hour prior and the interaction with my family which provided a deep level of satisfaction were a healthy byproduct of all that life has to give, but these were in themselves fleeting attachments. I learned bliss or joy or happiness is attainable in this life and the controlling mind can be stilled. These endless thoughts, feelings, and emotions pass through like storms across the vast ocean and tranquil waters are attainable when looking inward. I subsequently closed my eyes and practiced long breath and short breath at which point I found an anchor in the true self who was waiting for me. I subsequently located the source of my anxiety and watched it pass gently into the horizon. I then gave thanks for all that I have!