The Infected Chronicles (11 Days of living with COVID)
I am one of the chosen or maybe, I am just simply part of the herd. Whatever perspective one chooses, I have contracted this microscopic unwanted guest. It is the first time in my life where there is something in my body that I am genuinely scared to face. In addition, four out of five of my immediate family also have contracted the COVID-19 virus. With all this swirling and twirling inside my mind, I can’t imagine cancer, MS, or another deadly disease drifting through my temple doing God knows what it wants when it wants. Yet this is a reality for millions of people. I don’t have much to complain about. My symptoms appear to be mild as though I have a bad cold, low grade flu or some other type of seasonal sickness. Before I become too wrapped up in explaining this new life experience, I thought I would document my journey through a daily reflection. Let’s get started!
Day One–Thursday October 29, 2020
I noticed my older daughter was complaining of feeling sick. Her symptoms seemed to overwhelm her; they ranged from extreme feelings of hot and cold, not able to sleep, sore joints, scratchy throat, and noticeable lethargy. She was in bed most of the day watching Netflix, and we (my wife and I) began to suspect there was more to her sickness than just the flu. One clue we couldn’t ignore was the fact that for the past several months my oldest daughter and her friends were constantly hanging out with various acquaintances/friends from all over Fresno and attending public functions (pumpkin patch, parties, eating out, etc.). This is not a judgement on her actions; she has done her best considering the extreme circumstances we are currently dealing with in regards to every extracurricular activity being shut down or limited in some way.
As the day progressed, I started feeling a deep sense of exhaustion. I thought it was because I had been working a lot from home, and the teaching responsibilities were finally starting to negatively affect me. I decided to try the “Chicken Shack” restaurant for the first time because my wife was out of town. On my drive over to the restaurant, I noticed my upper nose was dry, yet I kept sniffling as though I had a runny nose. Upon my arrival at the restaurant, I ordered a chicken sandwich, donned my mask like a good boy, and waited for my food to be prepared. I noticed there were families seated inside the restaurant wearing no masks, the workers were loosely wearing their masks about there lower faces, and there seemed to be a relaxed atmosphere permeating throughout the interior of the restaurant. I received my sandwich and after one bite, promptly spit it back out. The taste of the sandwich seemed disjointed, bland, and rotten. I walked out of the restaurant feeling a bit off and decided to go straight home.
Day Two — Friday October 30, 2020
I still wasn’t feeling 100% but I finished teaching my classes from home. My energy level continued dipping, and I watched my oldest daughter continue struggling with flu-like symptoms. We were all now considering the fact she might have COVID-19. She seemed to be touching everything as she meandered about the house and her cough was consistently getting worse. My appetite was shrinking and I ate very little throughout the day. The exposure rate we were experiencing was extremely high. There was no hiding from her symptoms.
Day Three — Saturday October 31, 2020
A friend of mine asked me to babysit his dog for the night. I tried my best to keep my distance from him when he came over to the house to drop his dog off. I still wasn’t feeling all that bad, so I had convinced myself it was only a minor cold. The hard part was that in the back of my mind I was thinking something completely different. Questions were ping-ponging around related to the possibility of COVID infection, what was my responsibility, was it a reality or was I making up symptoms? I didn’t know what to do. That night, my wife and I went to dinner at the Annex in Fresno. Dinner was inside the main dining room which was nice because there was considerable social distancing between each of the guests. It was tough to relax and enjoy the food because the thought kept gnawing in the back of my head that I had COVID.
Day Four — Sunday November 1, 2020
I lost my sense of smell and taste. I guess this means I have it. I was slow to tell everyone in the family because I knew this was going to open Pandora’s box. I walked around the kitchen trying to smell candles, the coffee, pickles, jalapeño chips, ketchup, and vinegar. Nothing registered. I could breathe fine which made the interaction with the outside world that much more disturbing. My morning coffee tasted like hot water. I set the cup down and walked away from it feeling disgusted, sick, and mentally disturbed. I also felt like shit. My joints ached as though I had been beaten by a baseball bat or been in a four quarter football game with no pads. I discussed my symptoms with my oldest daughter and she told me for the first time she had also lost her sense of taste and smell. I knew then we had COVID.
I slowly started calling my friends and cancelling plans for the next couple of weeks. They would ask me why and I told them I was having “symptoms”. I felt a stigma arising from explaining my situation with others. I know they didn’t mean to make feel any different. I received the obligatory, “I hope you feel better” or “we’re here for you”, but there was a hidden shadow lurking behind the superficial conversations. One that embodied survival at its most basic level. I was now infected and people did not want what I had.
My oldest daughter, middle son, and wife drove to Fresno together and found a free medical clinic that was providing rapid COVID-19 testing. We heard these tests were 85% accurate, and they decided to go anyway. They would later go to another Urgent Care clinic and undergo the 24 hour to five day test which was purportedly much more accurate.
Day Five — Monday November 2, 2020
I barely slept the prior evening. I had hot and cold sweats all night and my body ached without remorse. In addition, I hadn’t eaten much because my appetite was gone. I don’t know if it was because I couldn’t taste or smell or I was so sore that it replaced any thought of eating. Either way, I was now on the COVID-19 diet. Fortunately, Monday’s are a lesson prep day for teaching along with an hour long co-teaching class that I help out with. I was able to lay low and not do much which is all I wanted to do-nothing!
We also found out that my son had tested positive for COVID. The doctors at the rapid testing site said that if you didn’t receive a phone call then you were not infected. This made us extremely confused because my oldest daughter hadn’t received a phone call, yet she was still exhibiting every symptom of COVID. My son on the other hand was asymptomatic even though he lost his sense of smell and taste.
Day Six — Tuesday November 3, 2020
I still can’t smell or taste. This is seriously the worst part of the sickness. I can handle not sleeping, a low grade fever, no appetite, soreness, lethargy, etc., but the pleasure of tasting and smelling are what makes my world go around. Having these senses taken from me is wreaking havoc on my mental stability. I’m trying to keep this to myself because I can tell my family is struggling with our reality. I was able to teach from home via Distance Learning, but this time several of my students noticed my energy was low. I told them I was tired and didn’t feel very good. I normally tell most if not all people what I’m experiencing in my life, but this one is different. I feel uncomfortable sharing that I most likely have the virus.
In the late afternoon, I decided to go to the Urgent Care and get tested. I brought the whole family as a precaution. We walked into the lobby together, and the receptionist was not happy when she found out we were all there to be tested for COVID. She gave me the paperwork to fill out and asked if we could complete the forms outside in the car. I gathered the clipboards and redirected my family back outside where we waited patiently for a nurse to notify us they were ready to test us.
Approximately fifteen minutes later, the nurse called us back into office, and we were escorted to a single waiting room. I had never been to a doctor’s office where all the patients were told to stay in one small area together, but I guess they didn’t want to risk infecting multiple rooms. The physician’s assistant entered the room and asked us what our symptoms were. While we were talking, the physician’s assistant learned that my son had tested positive and she was not happy he was there. My wife confronted her about her attitude because we still had not received any results from the rapid testing for my oldest daughter and wife. My wife explained to her we did not know if we could trust the rapid test outcome and we were there for our peace of mind. All we wanted was clarification and some type of resolution. Eventually, the situation calmed down and the nurse entered the room with the testing probes.
I volunteered to go first. I sat on the plastic chair, hands folded politely in my lap, and tilted my head back exposing both my nostrils for the world to see. What happened next has been seared into my pandemic memory synapses. The nurse entered one nostril at a time with a long probe at which point I experienced a very painful deep swabbing. I had heard they went “deep”, but there was no preparing for having a stick shoved into both of your nasal cavities for a three count. I tried my best to be stoic yet my watery eyes betrayed my discomfort. Instead of leaving the doctors office with a lollipop, I walked out with a sore nose and a Fresno County quarantine form stating I was to be in quarantine until November 17, 2020. Fuck you too!
Day Seven — Wednesday November 4, 2020
I am beginning to yearn for my sense of taste and smell. Most of my friends and family know we have the virus. My youngest daughter has shown no symptoms, but she has been quarantined like the rest of us. This has posed some major issues because she does not want to be told she can’t leave the house. She is not an adult and her friend’s parents have all heard through the proverbial grapevine that we are infected. The quandary we face is a delicate balance between mental health (staying inside for long periods of time) and allowing our children to engage with anything other than me or their mother. You may feel this is easy, but I’m telling you it’s not. Young adults cannot see beyond an hour from now, desire only to hang out with their friends, crave the social interaction with others through selfies and social media, and shy away from personal responsibility for the community at large. Again, this is not a judgement or generalized opinion against this generation; rather, I am merely making an observation from personal experiences gathered from years of parenting and interacting with a diverse population.
Day Eight — Thursday November 5, 2020
My oldest daughter told me someone from the rapid testing facility finally called her and stated she was positive. So much for finding out quickly. This process is nothing short of a three ring circus. Shortly thereafter, she received a phone call from a Fresno County contact tracer who took her personal information and discussed who she may have been in contact with. My son also received a phone call from a different Fresno County contact tracer and they attempted to ascertain where he might have contracted COVID. Both my kids told me it was an informal process beset with many ways for them to lie their way through the process. Guess what. My wife and I have received zero phone calls from the County which makes me think this is a just a game being played by someone with a lot more power than me.
Day Eight also brought us a phone call from the Urgent Care where we all were tested using the more reliable method. Four out of the five of us tested positive. My youngest daughter is negative which throws a major wrench in our Thanksgiving plans. We are in this interesting COVID loop because the virus could be incubating in her body or she could be asymptomatic or there are a whole host of other possibilities that place us in an uncomfortable position related to time in quarantine. My mother already cancelled due to COVID concerns and now my sister-in-law and her family have also cancelled Thanksgiving with us. With three weeks left until Thanksgiving, I’m not sure how I feel about all of this. Internally I can’t help but feel pangs of rejection while the logical part of my brain whispers that it is their choice to decide. I have to fight back these emotional knee-jerk reactions.
Day Nine through Eleven — November 6-8, 2020
I think I’m starting to get my sense of taste back. I was expecting to smell first but this was not the case with me. It is very weird to grab hints of flavor when I’m eating and not be able to associate some type of odor to the food. My body has also started to rebound. The soreness is gone, I am sleeping much better, I don’t have any more hot/cold flashes at night, and my energy is beginning to return. Is this finally the end of my interaction with COVID? I hope so. When you have a virus labeled “deadly”, there are these unforgettable reflective moments I think most people experience: when you ponder your own mortality after considering how many people have died this year, when you read an article about someone your own age who was healthy, had a family, had no preconditions, and they died of COVID complications, when you lie awake at night knowing your children are infected and hoping that nothing goes wrong while they sleep, when you try not to think about if you’ve been responsible for infecting someone, and when one person in your family is not infected and you want to keep them safe. Maybe these are the memories and life lessons I can take from contracting the virus. We are fragile creatures who crave purpose, engagement, and love. Once isolated, the fragments that make us human are run over by the eternal train that keeps on rolling down the train tracks of life.